I'm Gone
by I've Perfected Imperfection
Summary: It was the biggest sin I've ever committed. That's why I'm walking away like a coward from the woman I ever loved. -Natsume


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Sick. Horrible. Monstrous. _Guilty. _These feelings are eating me every time I look at _her, her _smile, _her _brown, hazel nut eyes. "Hey Natsume! What do you think of this?" she asked me in a ridiculously childish, cute voice with those wide innocent puppy eyes of hers. She tore off the blanket that covered the painting canvas to reveal a beautiful portrait of us two with _our _Sakura tree in the background.

_I don't want to have to see you happy.  
I can't even bare to see you smile.  
Nowadays I can't look in your eyes_

I cringed inwardly guiltily, knowing I shouldn't even be here. "Natsume! What do you think of it?" she repeated her question, waving frantic hands in front of my face to catch my lost attention.

Snapping back into reality, I replied, "Oh. It's pretty good for a childish, naïve, idiotic girl who wears strawberry printed under wears like you." Seeing that she was about to beat me to a pulp at my comment, I dodged all her worthless hits.

"Pervert!" she yelled, frustrated that even after all these years of ordeals, lessons and happines, I still hadn't gotten the grip of calling her by her first name. I smiled inwardly at our usual routine, as we usually did this every day, just so I could make her happy. But now, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to see her happy, to see her laugh, to see her smile, and to see her say those three words to me. Not thinking properly, I felt a fist make contact with my head.

_Well I can but it takes a while to show  
Told a lot of white lies to hide it all.  
But they're beginning to break me down,  
Though I promise it's over now._

"Whoa! I actually hit you for the first time! Are you alright?" Mikan asked, worried she might've taken it too far.

I retorted, "Of course I'm alright. I won't die from a harmless punch." I snorted, how could Natsume Hyuuga, a god, wither from a punch that came flying from a little girl at heart?

Mikan stuck out her tongue and replied, "Whatever. Anyways, answer truthfully, do you like it? Love it? Hate it?"

_I'm gone._  
_I don't blame you at all._  
_'Cause after all the things that you did for me_  
_I Got beaten by temptation_  
_I'm gone._  
_Girl you're better off alone._  
_I don't want you to see, the truth in me._  
_I'm gone._

I stared at the portrait for a long time before saying, "Like I said, it's pretty good for a childish-"

She raised a stern hand in front of me to stop what I was going to say. "Not that insulting part. Say it in a _nicer _way _please, _Natsume?"

I sighed, combing a hand through my black raven hair. "I don't hate it. Okay?" My girlfriend smiled joyously before nodding happily and skipping off randomly.

She turned around and shouted cheerfully, "Stay there, Natsume! I've got another surprise for you!" I shook my head before staring at the portrait once again. A pang of all those horrible feelings came back as I stared at it and reminisced about something bad I did. The very first sin I felt sick and guilty about that I just wanted to stop breathing.

_Flashback:_

"_Natsume," a voice whined in the speakers. _

_"Luna," I replied curtly. _

_She giggled silkily before continuing, "We haven't spent any time together. Want to meet me for dinner? You don't have to tell your girlfriend."_

_I sighed, looking out the window where rain continuously fell. "Sure," I said, feeling a spark of adventure. _

_"Good. Then meet me outside the office at 7 pm, babe. Bye!" _

_He replied, smirking, "Yeah, see you." Flipping the phone shut, I felt excitement and guilt building up in my system. After a few minutes, another sound of the familiar ringtone rang throughout the office. I spoke into the phone, "Luna?" A short silence was heard until I could hear a different voice I never expected or anticipated. _

_"__It's not Luna, its Mikan, Natsume!" the familiar voice yelled. _

_I cringed guiltily away from the speakers before replying an apologetic voice, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."_

"_Who's this 'Luna' Natsume? Are you cheating on me?" Mikan shouted angrily. I could imagine the hot steaming tears trickling down her cheeks, her plump red lips trembling at the thought of me. I could imagine her heart literally ripping into half, the other half belonging to me yet she would deny it after this certain heartbreaking event._

_I defended myself quickly, "No! Of course not! She's just my secretary, and I was just expecting a call from her about a business meeting." Business meeting my ass, I thought. _

_"Business meeting my ass," Mikan said, enraged and on the brink of crying. "Natsume, you better not turn up at my house for the whole week if you want to be forgiven!" Beep. Beep. Beep._

_I groaned, throwing the phone onto the floor. I heard my door open quietly with sounds of heels clicking on the tiles. "Luna," I greeted, irritated._

"_Natsume, babe, what's wrong?" She purred, concern hardly found in her voice. _

_"Nothing, just feeling sick," I replied in my hands._

"_Well, I can change that for you." She grabbed my hand and pulled me eagerly out of the room._

_Flashback Ends.  
__**  
**__Try my best to keep it all together._  
_Tryna take it back to where we were._  
_Never been to good at keeping secrets,_  
_I'll Give you reasons but for what it's worth_  
_Lemme go._  
_What the hell would make you look at me the same?_  
_Used to say "We're unbreakable."_  
_But I just went & changed it all._

Ever since then, I started secretly meeting Luna behind my girlfriend's back. Of course, I felt guilty, but there was nothing I could do whenever I heard Luna's voice or whenever I saw her. She gave me a thrill excitement and daring challenge, something Mikan used to give me when we were younger. Of course now still, but it wasn't as extreme as Luna's. Probably one of the reasons why I kept loving Mikan was because everyone thought we were 'unbreakable'. But, committing the biggest sin of my life, will probably change that.

A week later after that incident, we made up with my lies. I smiled when a song that explained my situation was playing on my iPod. It was 'I'm Gone by Jay Sean'. It was the song that reached out to me the most right now because the song conveyed my feelings right now. As I finished the song, I finally built up the courage to confront Mikan.

_See if I told you?  
Could you live with that?  
If I told you?  
Could you live with that?  
If I told you,  
I couldn't live with that! I couldn't live with that!  
No! I'd rather give you no excuses at all._

As if on cue, Mikan ran back in the room, holding an object wrapped in crimson. '_Just like my eyes,_' I thought, frowning inwardly.

"What's wrong? It's like you saw a ghost or something," Mikan asked curiously.

"Nothing," I said monotonously, averting my eyes on something else interesting.

"Here! It's for you." She thrusted the red wrapped gift in front of my face, expecting me to rip it open. Hesitantly, I took it and carefully opened it. Inside, revealed a Naruto comic book. I smiled gratefully. Looking up at her, I thought, '_Stupid idiot always knows how to make my day better and better._'

"Thanks," I said sincerely, swallowing my pride and guilt.

"No problem! I thought it would be nice if I gave you a gift to cover up my mistake of overreacting on the phone 2 weeks ago! I learnt that I didn't trust you enough, so there," she explained cheerfully.

I looked down in shame and whispered, "Mikan… There's something I need to tell you."

She held out a hand and said, "Wait! Is it something serious that could change our lives?"

"Hn. If you put it that way, yeah, whatever."

_I'm gone.  
I don't blame you at all.  
'Cause after all the things that you did for me  
Got beaten by temptation  
I'm gone.  
Girl you're better off alone.  
I don't want you to see, the truth in me._

Then, tell me at the Sakura tree. Not here, because I want those important memories to be kept there," she said, smiling angelically.

I smirked and teased her playfully, "Seems like you love our Sakura tree more than your own room."

Surprisingly, she firmly said, "I do though. How crazy is that?"

"Extremely," I playfully said, smirking to irritate her to bits.

"One day, I'll wipe that bloody smirk off your hideous face," she mumbled.

"That was one of your biggest lies ever, Mikan Sakura." I smirked again to tick her off.

"What? Wiping that smirk off your face? That's not impossible, Natsume."

_You gave everything & honestly it's every fault of mine.  
To beg you for forgiveness just seems wrong.  
See, leaving you is one thing  
But you've got to realize:  
Some things are best unspoken  
So please don't ask me why!  
Oh..._

"Not that part. The part where you said my face was _hideous_," I said, mockingly shuddering at the word as if the word never existed in my dictionary.

"You're so up yourself, Natsume. God, tell me why I ever fell for such a _gentleman _like you," she said, harrumphing with her arms crossed stubbornly. A wide smirk fell upon my features as I thought of a heated comeback to ignite a kissing session.

Licking my lips, I answered her 'prayer', "Because, I'm awfully hot and cool that you couldn't resist me at first sight."

She snorted and rolled her eyes before muttering, "Whatever loser." Without a second thought, she grabbed my arm and ran out the door.

Later on, we reached her destination, the Sakura tree.

"Okay, now that we're here, tell me what you need to say, Natsume," she said seriously.

My heart rate went faster than ever. Was I nervous? Of course, I was just about to call off our five year relationship with my girlfriend. The only girl who managed to entangle the mess I was in. "Mikan… We can't be together anymore," I stated slowly. As I finally got the words out of my mouth, how I wished to take them back. I saw her collected expression falter. I saw the tears drop one by one down her innocent pearly face. "Don't cry…" I soothed, raising a hand to wipe away the tears.

Abruptly, she slapped my hand away gently and sobbed, "Don't. Please, don't. I don't want comfort from the man who cheated on me."

My eyes widened with surprise. I whispered, "Oh. So now you realize all the lies I've made up."

"Of course I did Natsume! I'm not the same stupid, naïve girl you used to love anymore. I _grew up_! I could tell you were lying ever since that phone call! I was surprised that you even came crawling back to me and even covered your sin with your awful lies! If I was still the same person, I would've fallen for it and loved you all over again. But then," she paused, trying to catch her breath, "I realized life's not fair in love. So of course, I did the only thing I wanted to do, and that was forgive you. I wanted to love you again, Natsume. No matter what happened. But now, after everything that had just happened two minutes ago, I have to agree that we can't be together anymore."

I felt touched at her long heartbreaking speech. I murmured in a painful whisper, "I'm sorry, Mikan. I never meant to hurt you-"

"But you did," she said, cutting me off rudely.

I frowned and said, "I know. That's what makes me such a big, hideous jerk on the inside. And I'm sorry, really. If I could, I would rewind back before I even met Luna and never have done those horrible mistakes. Sorry, Mikan. But just know that deep inside, I'll always have a soft spot for you and that I'll always love you no matter what happens."

"I know, Natsume. I'll always love you forever. But, I don't wish you could rewind back before you started making that mistake," she said quietly, fidgeting with the hem of her yellow dress.

I stared at her in shock and had no will to find my voice to speak up. Nonetheless, she explained, "Because. You'd still end up doing a mistake that would hurt both of us deeply. I'm glad that you learnt from your mistake though, so you can take care of the girl you'll love in the future. Take care of her, Natsume. Please?" she practically begged me with those irresistible puppy eyes that stared at me with a teary expression.

I couldn't believe it, but I was close to shedding a tear. Why was she begging me to take care of the girl I'd love in the future? Wouldn't a normal girl beg for something completely different? Oh right, Mikan Sakura wasn't normal. I smiled inwardly, remembering why I fell for her. Of course we were over, that was inevitable. But, I'd still love her deeply, but I think it was time we both met different people. Mocking a bow, I flashed the infamous smirk one last time before holding out a hand. "Would you like to dance one last time?"

She smiled sadly before placing her warm hand in my own.

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I couldn't help but feel remorse and a stab in the heart in every step I took walking out of the familiar welcoming home I once called _home_, even though I had my own apartment.

I glanced back, seeing the crying Mikan wave goodbye slowly. I waved back, knowing it was probably the last time I stepped onto her porch. "Goodbye, Mikan," I whispered against the gentle wind.

Somewhere inside of me, I heard her angelic voice, "Goodbye to you too, Natsume."

_I'm gone._  
_I don't blame you at all._  
_'Cause after all the things that you did for me_  
_Got beaten by temptation_  
_I'm gone._  
_Girl you're better off alone._  
_I don't want you to see, the truth in me_  
_That's why I'm gone_  
_I'm gone_  
_I'm gone_  
_Byeee_  
_I'm gone._

But somewhere deep down inside my soul, my heart, I was still hanging onto the frail memories. Why?

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Simple. Because I still _love _her.

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**REVISED! abit.**

**Hehe, another story that just inspired me from the song, 'I'm Gone by Jay Sean'. The acoustic is way better (: I recommend you listen to it. Please review, I'd appreciate that. Thank you for your support,**

**~Joy.**


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